Effigy

I remember when her womanhood started to blossom.I first heard it in her voice like the sky had turned up her volume and set a stark Venus sensuality in its texture. The sweetness of her Spirit engaged outrageously with the bountifulness of her soul!It was bewitching like you wanted to hear its infectious depths over and over again!I cocked my head sideways at her furor the first time her maturity hit me!I looked at this new fated person somewhat quizzically.
Her hair had always been rich auburn wavy like a Dorothy La Moore;her eyes were lightly set in Irish Green full of sweet sunshine,as if their every movement would follow and not expose her purpose,like placing a cigarette in an ashtray, or moving a man with the curving motion of her hips and shoulders.Their graceful dance made you feel an inner smile as she empowered and maintained your best interest while in her presence .
She would give herself days in her duality of mind working her way through hidden feelings and complex issues always ever mindful of others feelings then arriving at the most simplest and profound common sense ever delivered from the notorious human female wit.
Every moment in her presence her eyes would stay you gently as she carried through her humble intentions.Sometimes she would stop in mid air quickening a smile and a toss of her head to get the point across on a very important daily task.her obscure mind opening and closing on many issues ideas approaches and actions.
She is liked by many,even re veneered by a few.She genuinely cares about you.She is not sure why or why not its juts her way.People can always be nice as they discover the world in her way of thinking.
Some things are not to be talked over too much they are too precious and we are not at all as smart as we like to think we are.This is her greatest gift - humility.
This day was no different that any other.I sat there home from some Ithacan adventure and very tired and probably somewhat hungover.Then out of her mouth came this tubular throaty red laughter.I looked quick to see who it was.She sounded and acted so alive more vibrant,and alive than I had ever seen her.I asked if she had a new lover.I felt jealous.
Where was my sweet smiling non verbal girl who walked so close to my heels in childhood?She is here -- she is there-- she is sweet she is mature free and artistic.
I went to the table with my tea she had poured me, hoping she would laugh again.The sweetness of her laugh was there yet today it had a very throaty undertone of an Egyptian flesh pot, without condemnation and reproach.No phony specifications.
Now many years later I want to  say thank you to me sister for a most profound experience of witnessing a miracle of life being born into a new cycle.My lady as come forth and herald a great welcome to the Queen of her own lands. Her self-hood had come home to a new phase of human development set out onto a stage where  performed joys of later years appear simply and naturally arriving  on Que when one puts away the old worn out ways of childhood.
Life has such meaning to me today because I have shared my time with Gerrie my sister, my friend, my weird and wonderful friend.

Caithleen Carter Steeves.

Sunday Jack

There I stood in the full days sun in my Sunday best go to church clothes,with chest out all exalted with great courage and pride as Granddad steadied the horse Old Jack, tucked in the bridle and firmed my stirrups with his strong hands.  I chimmyed  the arm swung my hip and swooped my leg up over the huge black back.
We meandered over to the field for a bit of a stroll, heading for Jacks usual daily watering hole.I had asked if we could take the field way instead of the road way so I could get a longer ride.Then we would meet Granddad on the road later.
Grandpa took the short path off through the field, to the road then along to the brook spring.
Me and Jack came along slowly to the road,the rocks clattering, clattering under his hoofs,until he stopped trained in his head ,lowering his neck to get a drink of the cool cold waters off the spring.
"Ease back Caithleen ease back". Herman would say in his calm voice.
That seemed easier said than done to a 10 years old.I held on tight with my thighs and eased my neck further back up over the long black slide of Jacks neck.We laughed as we both imagined me sliding off the horse and into the brook!!.
What a fond memory of Sunday walks on Jack the horse at my Granddads farm,in Hopewell Cape New Brunswick.

Her voice sounded like cinders under a door.
In her eyes laid the dimness  of the poor,the slant of compassion swelled into crowing points around the corners where lived deep drubbing days and nights.
A small village along the West Coast of Scotland Ring- haddy spread out miles and miles like a mother spider web.Here she had known all too often the sting of betrayal.The absence of a flowing temperament had been born in her many years before.
Had it been said in many a year that she was loved,had she filled a heart with gladness.For that was what she felt she was worth.She couldn't remember for sure.
Having lived with meaning in every moment of her life, and with every fibre in her being in sincerity,she would never have even in her humblest moments ever have conceived nor considered that she could become poor.
Today she had no strength nor did she set her mind for it any longer.Day after day year and year of years she was provided for.The house the pool the cars.This had all meant being worthwhile to so many.Everyone who knew her could tell her modesty was born out of a lifestyle structured around abundance.To be penniless never occurred to her.
There had been such happiness, days and days of planning to keep and make jobs work in favour of a thriving life style they had all been content with for generations.
Now ageing with her husband passed away and her family sick of one thing and another she dispassionately thought of how to make it through another day.
She wore a used night gown,used slippers, and shoes.She was appalled at the likes of a person who would get rid of a pair of slippers in this very good condition. She ate packaged food and felt the cold coming around the floor to her feet through the cracks in the walls and floor of the one room she paid way to much of her disability cheque to a nasty  rich landlord.
Friends of years and years had written her off as lazy or plain or just stupid.Smugly suggesting her worthless now.They felt she had not tried hard enough or just was to contriving to live a simple life in simple conventional ways.They felt smug in the fact she would get financial help in a system they trusted.Little did they know her pay was under hat they would give a store owner for a good coat.It was impolite to speak of these matters to anyone even her children.A few of them had never felt their own worth so they would never in their own overwhelmed old worn out minds have perceived her lifestyle as any better or worse than their own.So giving her cash would have never occurred to them.
She looked around the room at all she loved her dog, her pictures of her five grand boys all those who still lite up when she walked into the room to spend a time with them.The lived with folks who had hardened their hearts to most of the gentler ways of life.She knew her ways were no longer theirs her years had come upon her and they were a threat to her.They did not come to visit any more and she wondered if they ever had come if not to get something of her, a piece they could call love.yet she knew they loved her as much as their own life because she had given them life.She had been the vessel God had brought them through to the earth.Her daughters had suffered but not to the extent she had she had made sure of it.
Life had found a mothers heart more warm than the one she had come to earth from.The next generation was better off than the last so went the cycles of maturation on the earth.
Looking into the Kodiak of her mind,here lived a snow storm of gentle snow flakes waning memories,star dust they may, be-they  real.
She knew she had been taught better but somewhere in her soul she could never quite find the trust in herself and the fates to fly.

The Cheque

For obvious reasons the names and places where these tales took place are under the sheets!!!!lol
yet I feel their humour and human folly is too sweet to the human soul to resist a telling.
Many years ago I found myself the wife to a man in a wheelchair,a truely traumatic time in my life.
For the years to come I would revisit the welfare offices for assistance from time to time.
This one very hot humid July day we needed food desperately,no diapers for the baby, and no car to get to the office.For some strange reason the monthly cheque did not come.There is  a mountain of paper work and me being A.D.D. was probably unaware of a bit of it, or it got lost in the mail, anyway, Im hoofing it over to the Welfare office for two oclock.Its Friday and they say they can do me up a new cheque. Thank GOD we will have food for the weekend!
I walk the two kilometres with the baby strapped to my back,we climb the three flights of stairs.Im having a difficult time what with the no diapers, hunger and very pissed about the whole affair.I walk into the office and some kids are playing near the secretaries desk, beside one of the old cheque stamp machines, not in use any-longer.
Gail says "ok Mrs Manning here is your money, so sorry for the mix-up". I quickly stuff the cheque in my bag and head out the door."Thanks Gail" and off I head for the closest bank to the office.I have two banks because they have different hours and just in case one is closed i can go to another in such a situation.I go to the closest one.
There is no line-up. Thanks be to GOD and all looks like a clean sweep off to the grocery store.But things are never the way they seem.Im next!!
The teller looks at the cheque then at the baby then at me and says "I cannot cash this!!!"
I overreacted with "Oh for the LOVE OF GOD!!! and stormed off to the bank up the street!!!!lololol
Helen a very nice clerk that I had been dealing with for a number of years is cheery as we approach."Hi there what can we do for you today?" I replied "Helen Im having an awful time with this cheque today"!!!"Same time same station same cheque". I bewitchingly retort to her as I pass the cheque to her.
"We cannot cash this cheque for you hon, we don't have this much money in the bank today!!!
She held up the front of the cheque for my inspection, a very clever notion that had not occurred to me.
She continues, "Its made out for 1million,one hundred and ninety eight dollars!!!!! with a tuneful tone in her voice.lololol
I laughed I cried I felt so confused!!!!!
Luck was with me and so I back to the Welfare Office where the secretary had a good laugh and the Director shouted out over the crowd "Jesus Christ that my whole budget for the entire year!!!!!!and then gave out a hoot of laughter!!!!!!
Thats the closest Ive ever come to winning the Lottery!!!!!!!!!!hahahahahah