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Monday, December 5, 2011

Her voice sounded like cinders under a door.
In her eyes laid the dimness  of the poor,the slant of compassion swelled into crowing points around the corners where lived deep drubbing days and nights.
A small village along the West Coast of Scotland Ring- haddy spread out miles and miles like a mother spider web.Here she had known all too often the sting of betrayal.The absence of a flowing temperament had been born in her many years before.
Had it been said in many a year that she was loved,had she filled a heart with gladness.For that was what she felt she was worth.She couldn't remember for sure.
Having lived with meaning in every moment of her life, and with every fibre in her being in sincerity,she would never have even in her humblest moments ever have conceived nor considered that she could become poor.
Today she had no strength nor did she set her mind for it any longer.Day after day year and year of years she was provided for.The house the pool the cars.This had all meant being worthwhile to so many.Everyone who knew her could tell her modesty was born out of a lifestyle structured around abundance.To be penniless never occurred to her.
There had been such happiness, days and days of planning to keep and make jobs work in favour of a thriving life style they had all been content with for generations.
Now ageing with her husband passed away and her family sick of one thing and another she dispassionately thought of how to make it through another day.
She wore a used night gown,used slippers, and shoes.She was appalled at the likes of a person who would get rid of a pair of slippers in this very good condition. She ate packaged food and felt the cold coming around the floor to her feet through the cracks in the walls and floor of the one room she paid way to much of her disability cheque to a nasty  rich landlord.
Friends of years and years had written her off as lazy or plain or just stupid.Smugly suggesting her worthless now.They felt she had not tried hard enough or just was to contriving to live a simple life in simple conventional ways.They felt smug in the fact she would get financial help in a system they trusted.Little did they know her pay was under hat they would give a store owner for a good coat.It was impolite to speak of these matters to anyone even her children.A few of them had never felt their own worth so they would never in their own overwhelmed old worn out minds have perceived her lifestyle as any better or worse than their own.So giving her cash would have never occurred to them.
She looked around the room at all she loved her dog, her pictures of her five grand boys all those who still lite up when she walked into the room to spend a time with them.The lived with folks who had hardened their hearts to most of the gentler ways of life.She knew her ways were no longer theirs her years had come upon her and they were a threat to her.They did not come to visit any more and she wondered if they ever had come if not to get something of her, a piece they could call love.yet she knew they loved her as much as their own life because she had given them life.She had been the vessel God had brought them through to the earth.Her daughters had suffered but not to the extent she had she had made sure of it.
Life had found a mothers heart more warm than the one she had come to earth from.The next generation was better off than the last so went the cycles of maturation on the earth.
Looking into the Kodiak of her mind,here lived a snow storm of gentle snow flakes waning memories,star dust they may, be-they  real.
She knew she had been taught better but somewhere in her soul she could never quite find the trust in herself and the fates to fly.