OLD n WORN

Growing up in the country side of New Brunswick with my grandpa and grammy in bed with me till they passed away;. seeing their faces every day and hearing laughter from any corner of the house or being lead from the house to a cousins house almost every day of the week Im not writting from the usual side of my self in this story, mostly cause I dont understand whats going on in this particular situation.However writting has alway been a activity that leands its-self to understanding or at least assists me in the process.so here it is!!!
Two days ago I sat on my patio with a couple of co-workers you might say discussing how,, she, Margaret would be going to a nursing home for care, as she has dementia, and how some homes may allow her and her hubby of 63 years of marriage, Ralph to go with her! One of the most daunting counselling exercises of my lifetime.
I could leave it here and say how it all went very well or decide that its not nice to put out laundry on someone else's clothes line but I cannot!!!I value my presence of propriety and my countrywoman to much to just say this is a sleeping dog!!! let it lie!!!! The greatest problem in our counrty and its practises is we minimise what we dont have an answer for or we attract more fear and confusion because we have or feel we have no power over the situation.In this case its so simple.If only someone would step into the leadership role.These two elders are floundering.As, I sat there on my patio with my two old friends and Ralph  said "the family want me to put her in a home". Margaret's eyes watered as she looked at me and said for the hundredth time, "I took sick Caite"
I asked myself only one very wise question, what not in the picture? A son, a daughter- in law?? A doctor? a home worker? NOT!!!Margaret spoke openly about all the drugs she had been placed on over the years and how now she was olny taking 11 daily ones.Her daughter-in -law insisted she take them.She spoke with great pride about her daughter in law the nurse,and all her well placed grandchildren and how well they did at Harvard and in the international hockey league.I wondered if strangers would be the last faces these two old souls would witness here on earth.
We talked about how old fashion "HOMES" used to be and what they are like now.We talked about how Ralph could get a room next door and she could see him every day, I started to cry when she asked him would you still come take me out,could we still go out together?
 They like going to restaurants together. DATING in the final days of their lives had become her most precious gift and  she clung to it.
They talked about having to kick the 50 year old alcoholic son out on his own.They spoke about the woman in the office where they had been the superintendents of a apartment complex for over 20 years who had, had them made redundant without a pension.They mentioned in passing how difficult it has been these last six months on them to be poor.They talk about all their relatives of brothers and sisters who have gone now.They asked me if I liked where I was moving to."YES" I told them my daughter lives cross the street.Their eyes filled with new hope.
We had come to love and care for each other I was her hairdresser for 20 years.
I wondered if these two were old and worn or if our principles and values as a people were just plain old and worn out, broken in some distant way.??

A visit with Algonquin Park

Sanctuary

Stepping through the gate being held shut by a  worn, aged, rickety, latch that won't work until you get to know 'its ways', the mind aspires to solve its unspoken mystery of pull, lift, and catch, or pull lift and unlatch. The heavy wooden gate swings wide, while all of the  glory of natural beauty and ancient mystery bids you enter Kevin's spiritual sanctuary held in reverence for birds of all types. junco ,blue jays, chickadees, woodpeckers, etc. and many a stray sleepy neighborhood cat.
No two corners are alike so the cacophony of textures colors artifacts and statues all blend into harmonies, a  playful unfolding of green natural growth.
Immediately one is drawn along mosey laden grey cobble stone pathways to fix their eyes on the next delight of flowery ware. Grab a seat and relax for a half hour taking in all the healing colors, n light, you just may find a cup of tea in your lap when you open your eyes.
Every corner is lovingly coaxed into hominess, friendliness and winsome.
Natures constancy blesses magnanimously  every nook and cranny, with bushes and shrubs ,hedges, apple tree, bird baths, barked tree trunks, fire pit, chairs, old fences, broken swing new swing, a timeless ancient presence is evident. One need only use their senses to feel the warmth and substance to the soul this garden extends.
Pathways in the garden lead on to silence, tranquility and calm. There has been no plan other than the divine persistence of one man in his courtyard year after year welcoming spring with his meager offerings trusting his lessons through experience, practice and patience. The results have been outstanding.
Surrounded by metal buildings of brick and glass, churches of wood, apartments and worn city wares
this oasis of natural treasure is truly a gift to anyone's senses and curiosity. A timeless, priceless work

of art.

Whose Idea Was This

Its Early dreary dark mornings in Atlantic Canada.I awake at 7am to see the dark for ten long erkky moments of knowing summer grasses in my mindfulness of getting up soon.I sigh and wish I could be in Florida for the month of March, not my favorite month.
After not sleeping well the nights before I decide its pay day and I deserve a treat, and also decide who says I cannot get up early and get my errands done.Its pay day so I'm off to the races.Up at 6am wash dress eat brekky and I'm ready for the markets and the bus! Into town to do a few errands and pay bills.
Its Tuesday and my bus driver is not on! Oh Oh Senior time is not till 9am.This is when most intelligent none inventive seniors are still home in bed " its 7am lady, senior time is not till 9am". "So you are telling me I cannot come on the bus/"." Yep "he nods his little prick- head!!!!
So I turn and step off the bus, somewhat confused ,my usual driver would have laughed made a joke and on we would go!
I'm still not daunted and decide to go to the road below four long block to the sea and the service station where there is a banking machine and I can get bus fare for the next # 80.Takes me about 20 minutes and all goes well.I'm back standing at the bus stop within 20 minutes!!! Yeah!!!
Along comes the bus and drives right past me!!!!! He did not see me there!!! I saw how fast he was coming,approaching the red light, just 500 yards from the dark bus stop. Yes Its almost 7:30 and still dark in March. OUCH!!!! I'm passed!!!! I walk I dance, I sing to the trees!!! Eventually along come another bus not going the way I want to go but I decide that half way is better than none at this point.
I ride along and see my turn for the new bus coming up so I ring the bell. Half a kilometer up the road he lets me off. Now I have about six city blocks to walk back to ride the bus I need to go to my bank in town, inner city banking prancing!!!!I ask myself is there a camera on this punch and Judy show here today...... hard not to think I'm being tested not just the victim of human stupidity!!!! My own!!!
So I'm walking down the Bedford Highway against the hordes of traffic all heading for the bridge bad Lady Hammond road one of the busiest roads six lanes highways in Nova Scotia, the only one to my knowledge.I seethe pier with so many ships from all over the world in the Bedford basin I think of all the laces they have been and wish I was there, when all of a sudden a truck hits a water puddle as I take my next step and I'm covered with a spray of dirty water as if someone turned on a fuckin shower hose!!!!! Wham!!!! Batman Whoosh!!I'm laughing and crying at the same time!!!!
I'm now about 800 years from the bus stop I'm heading for! Great! I can see the bus coming and run!!!I make it!!! Let this day begin,I get my break!!!! One must be willing to put all efforts into there decisions with the intensions of doing what they believe is good for them.
The outcome of my day was not line  up at the bank, no rain, no line up at he stores at 8:30am, nr at Timmy's from brekky.It was a blessed day and It was all my own idea....... yes!!! 

Charlie

In the early part of the day I would get up early and make breakfast with Charlie. On weekends mom& dad would sleep in. Charlie was my grandpa, who lived with us. He was my best friend when I was a wee girl.
We would take walks, cook, eat, tell stories, shave, yep I would shave his whiskers off with his razor, paly dolly make dolly's and all sorts of great adventures together.
Charlie was my Karmic grandfather as I was adopted and he knew from somewhere deep inside his soul what that felt like. I was not lead to believe I was alone he was always there, and even though he's been gone over 50 years I know he is still here looking over me with God and the angels. I had spent two years in an orphanage when we met.
My parents had lost a child three years before the decided to adopt. I'm eternally grateful to that soul for the space I was able to fill in their lives and learn from them how to weave a life of my own filled with Grace kindness and a strong desire to learn.
To Charlie I was simply adorable. I had my own swing in the living room, a doll carriage the size of a real one very costly so my mother pronounced to the world and an array of nice clothes and other toys, with an inheritance in the bank for growing up on.I always knew there was always going to be enough.
One of our favorite pastimes was keeping Curly his black haired Cocker Spaniel mix. She never left his side.She too liked ginger cookies.
Charlie was 78 when he came to live at our house. I didn't know why  I was just so happy. He was not well but I never saw that I was 10 and very much in love with my old grandpa. He could do no wrong still can't. In my eyes he was every thing God could be.
His body was getting tired
He always had trouble with his stomachs. Today we call this acid reflex. But 60 years ago we were not sure in The Maritimes what it was.
One fine spring day I arrived in our drive to see a weird looking truck ( an ambulance) parked there. I crouched up close to the house so they could not see me.Two men with a gurney came out of the house with Charlie laying on it and put him in the truck and drove away. That was the last time I saw my grandpa.
I became very frightened and very lonely that day and it would be a very long time before I could learn to trust again. I did.
I mead my way into the house and mommy and I talked about where Charlie was going to be with Jesus.Four days later he was gone home to heaven.
How he looked and sounded still reverberates in my soul.He was tall and smooth voice one of the softest male voices I ever heard, almost musical.He had a glow in his eyes and soft oily complexion, a bald head with a few tufts of hair, he wore wire framed glasses,a well rounded face and head with a smile always ready for me AMD a story in his sweet heart to tell to anyone who would listen.His style was flannel summer and winter, with work pants usually brown.
He loved tea and fish with potatoes.
He liked Old Spice shaving lotion if he used any at all.He was a woodsman,a hunter, a builder,a successful business man,a good neighbour and a friendly giant to a little orphan girl;  Charlie.