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Sunday, August 14, 2016


Growing up in the country side of New Brunswick with my grandpa and grammy in bed with me till they passed away;. seeing their faces every day and hearing laughter from any corner of the house or being lead from the house to a cousins house almost every day of the week Im not writting from the usual side of my self in this story, mostly cause I dont understand whats going on in this particular situation.However writting has alway been a activity that leands its-self to understanding or at least assists me in the here it is!!!
Two days ago I sat on my patio with a couple of co-workers you might say discussing how,, she, Margaret would be going to a nursing home for care, as she has dementia, and how some homes may allow her and her hubby of 63 years of marriage, Ralph to go with her! One of the most daunting counselling exercises of my lifetime.
I could leave it here and say how it all went very well or decide that its not nice to put out laundry on someone else's clothes line but I cannot!!!I value my presence of propriety and my countrywoman to much to just say this is a sleeping dog!!! let it lie!!!! The greatest problem in our counrty and its practises is we minimise what we dont have an answer for or we attract more fear and confusion because we have or feel we have no power over the situation.In this case its so simple.If only someone would step into the leadership role.These two elders are floundering.As, I sat there on my patio with my two old friends and Ralph  said "the family want me to put her in a home". Margaret's eyes watered as she looked at me and said for the hundredth time, "I took sick Caite"
I asked myself only one very wise question, what not in the picture? A son, a daughter- in law?? A doctor? a home worker? NOT!!!Margaret spoke openly about all the drugs she had been placed on over the years and how now she was olny taking 11 daily ones.Her daughter-in -law insisted she take them.She spoke with great pride about her daughter in law the nurse,and all her well placed grandchildren and how well they did at Harvard and in the international hockey league.I wondered if strangers would be the last faces these two old souls would witness here on earth.
We talked about how old fashion "HOMES" used to be and what they are like now.We talked about how Ralph could get a room next door and she could see him every day, I started to cry when she asked him would you still come take me out,could we still go out together?
 They like going to restaurants together. DATING in the final days of their lives had become her most precious gift and  she clung to it.
They talked about having to kick the 50 year old alcoholic son out on his own.They spoke about the woman in the office where they had been the superintendents of a apartment complex for over 20 years who had, had them made redundant without a pension.They mentioned in passing how difficult it has been these last six months on them to be poor.They talk about all their relatives of brothers and sisters who have gone now.They asked me if I liked where I was moving to."YES" I told them my daughter lives cross the street.Their eyes filled with new hope.
We had come to love and care for each other I was her hairdresser for 20 years.
I wondered if these two were old and worn or if our principles and values as a people were just plain old and worn out, broken in some distant way.??