Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Good Intentions ??
The snow falls quietly on a winter sleepy Bay as my cat is curled up here beside me and the keys, in his deep place of dreams where he visits all to often it seems.
My mind today wonders how a boy who is now a man is living.His name is Bobby.He and his thirty year old mom Gloria were my first clients at an outreach program for kids that never did quit get off the ground.To many chiefs in the fire I think.I spent over 20 years in social work and this is the saddest tale of my experiences, and the most unnecessary in all so many ways,Yet only in hindsight do we learn some things in life; seems to be the most important ones.Also Social work does not seem to want to allow much room for ones intuition.This case is one of the reasons I'm not working in the system today mostly because I get blindsided by the formalities and ritualism around me.Anyway lets get on with the tale.
Bobby was sad when we met and very confused ,he loved his mom very much and did not understand the disease of addiction nor schizophrenia, from which his mother suffered.So we began very slowly,to unwind the horrible fears and misunderstandings of this little man's 12 years old mind.
I reported to a case worker who reported to a case supervisor who reported to their case worker in children's services who reported to the director of children's said services who reported at times to a Judge and the Legal system.Deep.
Bobby and I went to the beach,opened a bank account,visited with friends,took long walks in the parks, and talked about is problems and how to find solutions,slowly he began to learn that he did not case it and could not cure his mom.He was angry that all his stuff had been sold to support her cocaine habit another side of things he did not want to have to understand.I decided he did not have to and so we didn't go there.I got some of his stuff like a stereo and some blankets returned to him, a nice bed and a few other things.He showed up one day with a nice camera, I think he lifted it but I had bigger fish to fry.To me it was just another symptom of the disease he was being handed.We moved over it for the most part I spoke to the thoughts I was having he just smiled.He was a nice cute kid.Grade six and for the first time was missing classes.
Why could not the system slow down for him!!!Was there an alternative for him.He told me he felt outside of everyone there he did not fit in.He was right.Was there someplace he did fit tin that was not behind bars.
He was coming along very well even at times happy and trusting the little boy was not shut off.He said to me one day "you know what Kate I've done more stuff with you in six months then I did with my mom in 13 years.sad yet in some deep way I felt rewarded for my efforts and we drove on to the library.
About eight months in to the case I got a call Bobby and one of this buddies had dared each other and stole some change for a car.Something that as my friend from Dublin put it later on a Grandmother could have made right."Now you take that back and apologize," kind of thing.Oh No!!!this asshole pressed charges and I am left to believe that the case guy I was working with did not do to much to stop him from calling the police into court action.So we go to court and Bobby gets 20 hours of community services!!!!We have a talk and he is pissed off but he calms down after a few days.He is confused about the way it was handled as was I .
My case supervisor was a very up standing member of a local religion,a teacher in Martial arts,and had worked in social services for many years.He did not however know the ways of the poor or remember the shoes he had walked in.I asked my case worker that Bobby be able to remain in his own community to do his community hours.It would look good onto the community around him and just maybe he could meet some better kids in the HOOD and believe me they are there. Oh NO!!! Asshole has a jock friend who he buys all his expensive camping stuff from and want to impress him!!! So Bobby preforms to the hilt in a week he took the job of cleaning up in a space that sells 2000.00 bikes,500.00 tents,35.00 water bottles and guess what?????God knows how much stuff he took,and it looked good on them!!!BUT he got caught and then ended up in detention, where he will learn to hide the pain like his mom.WHY???So unnecessary!!!!!
Thank god today many years later I was one of the people who started social workers from poor communities working to make change within those communities.There is a big picture and remember the road to hell is paved with good intentions.Just cause you got money don't make you wise don't make you smart especially about how others live life.I really don't need your permission to live with what I have nor to do what I want with it.You are not here because you owe anything to the Universe.There is enough on Mother earth for all of us except some are greedy.I have seen all to often the trouble I have to go through to keep it.We all pay it forward.We share our strengths and our hope for a lighter more loving sensitive world.God Bless and may you walk in Beauty all the days of your life.
My mind today wonders how a boy who is now a man is living.His name is Bobby.He and his thirty year old mom Gloria were my first clients at an outreach program for kids that never did quit get off the ground.To many chiefs in the fire I think.I spent over 20 years in social work and this is the saddest tale of my experiences, and the most unnecessary in all so many ways,Yet only in hindsight do we learn some things in life; seems to be the most important ones.Also Social work does not seem to want to allow much room for ones intuition.This case is one of the reasons I'm not working in the system today mostly because I get blindsided by the formalities and ritualism around me.Anyway lets get on with the tale.
Bobby was sad when we met and very confused ,he loved his mom very much and did not understand the disease of addiction nor schizophrenia, from which his mother suffered.So we began very slowly,to unwind the horrible fears and misunderstandings of this little man's 12 years old mind.
I reported to a case worker who reported to a case supervisor who reported to their case worker in children's services who reported to the director of children's said services who reported at times to a Judge and the Legal system.Deep.
Bobby and I went to the beach,opened a bank account,visited with friends,took long walks in the parks, and talked about is problems and how to find solutions,slowly he began to learn that he did not case it and could not cure his mom.He was angry that all his stuff had been sold to support her cocaine habit another side of things he did not want to have to understand.I decided he did not have to and so we didn't go there.I got some of his stuff like a stereo and some blankets returned to him, a nice bed and a few other things.He showed up one day with a nice camera, I think he lifted it but I had bigger fish to fry.To me it was just another symptom of the disease he was being handed.We moved over it for the most part I spoke to the thoughts I was having he just smiled.He was a nice cute kid.Grade six and for the first time was missing classes.
Why could not the system slow down for him!!!Was there an alternative for him.He told me he felt outside of everyone there he did not fit in.He was right.Was there someplace he did fit tin that was not behind bars.
He was coming along very well even at times happy and trusting the little boy was not shut off.He said to me one day "you know what Kate I've done more stuff with you in six months then I did with my mom in 13 years.sad yet in some deep way I felt rewarded for my efforts and we drove on to the library.
About eight months in to the case I got a call Bobby and one of this buddies had dared each other and stole some change for a car.Something that as my friend from Dublin put it later on a Grandmother could have made right."Now you take that back and apologize," kind of thing.Oh No!!!this asshole pressed charges and I am left to believe that the case guy I was working with did not do to much to stop him from calling the police into court action.So we go to court and Bobby gets 20 hours of community services!!!!We have a talk and he is pissed off but he calms down after a few days.He is confused about the way it was handled as was I .
My case supervisor was a very up standing member of a local religion,a teacher in Martial arts,and had worked in social services for many years.He did not however know the ways of the poor or remember the shoes he had walked in.I asked my case worker that Bobby be able to remain in his own community to do his community hours.It would look good onto the community around him and just maybe he could meet some better kids in the HOOD and believe me they are there. Oh NO!!! Asshole has a jock friend who he buys all his expensive camping stuff from and want to impress him!!! So Bobby preforms to the hilt in a week he took the job of cleaning up in a space that sells 2000.00 bikes,500.00 tents,35.00 water bottles and guess what?????God knows how much stuff he took,and it looked good on them!!!BUT he got caught and then ended up in detention, where he will learn to hide the pain like his mom.WHY???So unnecessary!!!!!
Thank god today many years later I was one of the people who started social workers from poor communities working to make change within those communities.There is a big picture and remember the road to hell is paved with good intentions.Just cause you got money don't make you wise don't make you smart especially about how others live life.I really don't need your permission to live with what I have nor to do what I want with it.You are not here because you owe anything to the Universe.There is enough on Mother earth for all of us except some are greedy.I have seen all to often the trouble I have to go through to keep it.We all pay it forward.We share our strengths and our hope for a lighter more loving sensitive world.God Bless and may you walk in Beauty all the days of your life.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Monday, October 15, 2012
Pictures of her five grandboys hung on the walls.They loved to see her come for visits when she could get there mostly by bus.Once she hitchhiked 200 miles for the easter holiday to be with them.She knew her ways were not theirs.Her ways were gentle now.They were adults all very capable of making wise decisions, she had shown them the way they did not see.They hardened their hearts so as not to be like their elders.They were mistaken.It had nothing to do with her she knew they loved her and were trying to fit into a very fast moving paced world she was moving out of.
She felt the loneliness of night so deep into her centre that the dark made her feel like she was the only person living on the planet.She liked this odd feeling of obscurity.It brought in a kind of coolness she could think in,not like the sunny days when all she felt was guilt because she had not been more sucessful,more able to hang unto the money,the job, the man, the house, the trappings.The hostage! Now what did she value?Why was the answer ART! always the same answer ART!!!
Sour pictures in her mind came and went of a time when her daughters took advantage of her ability to feel guilt,she being broken in ways her daughters would never suffer.They suffered, yet they were not tormented in ways their mother had been.She sometimes thought of children at Nosowitz during the war.Life had cycled in a calmer warmth to the suffering of her children, as it always does for the next generation.
looking over the kodiak of her mind the picture was a mere blur of her past.Like a snow storm fille with star dust of memories all wrapped up in a fairies wings and ready to take her to God.
She knew somewhere in herself she could have done better but she could never bring herself to the edge of the fates well enough to fly!!
She felt the loneliness of night so deep into her centre that the dark made her feel like she was the only person living on the planet.She liked this odd feeling of obscurity.It brought in a kind of coolness she could think in,not like the sunny days when all she felt was guilt because she had not been more sucessful,more able to hang unto the money,the job, the man, the house, the trappings.The hostage! Now what did she value?Why was the answer ART! always the same answer ART!!!
Sour pictures in her mind came and went of a time when her daughters took advantage of her ability to feel guilt,she being broken in ways her daughters would never suffer.They suffered, yet they were not tormented in ways their mother had been.She sometimes thought of children at Nosowitz during the war.Life had cycled in a calmer warmth to the suffering of her children, as it always does for the next generation.
looking over the kodiak of her mind the picture was a mere blur of her past.Like a snow storm fille with star dust of memories all wrapped up in a fairies wings and ready to take her to God.
She knew somewhere in herself she could have done better but she could never bring herself to the edge of the fates well enough to fly!!
her voice sounded like cinders under a door.In her eyes was the dimness of the poor!The deep slant of compassion swelled into points at the corners where deep lines lay into their traces.
This homey placid cottage on Ring-Haddy Island off the coast of Ireland spread out like a pancaked spiders web.Sand, field, and rock as far as the eye could see.
She had known all about the ways of betrayal, and for years now the absence of a flowing temperament.
Hadn't it been said once that she had filled a heart with gladness and kindness.For this was all she felt she was worth.
Having,meant living to her even in her humblest moments she never in her wildest dreams or her humblest moments ever imagined or thought she would become poor.She had no strength nor mental settings for it.
day after day and for all the cycles of years she was healthily provided for.
She would never need to be a tavern brat like her mom.She was likes by many and most found her personality charming even charismatic at musical events.She adored music more than anything in life.yet there was a loud brashness in her voice and a jerky false assurance in her laughter and shared joyfulness.
The house, the pool the car all meant she was worthwhile.One could surmise that her order of things, her modesty,and love of life had a structure that focused around abundance.To be left penniless never occurred to her.
There had always been such happiness,order and loving for days weeks years and years,she had always been able to maintain a free and balanced way of life.
Now aging and with her family members sick she wondered how on earth she would make it through another day?
She wore a used nightdress,used slippers and shoes,ate packaged food,then she felt the cold coming from the floor of the room she paid way to much for out of her disability cheque. One of the deserving poor she used to write small cheques for from time to time: charity dwellers they were.Insects of the earth, leches, and parasites of humanity.
Friends of years and years had written her off now a unworthy as they thought as she had.Lazy, insecure stupid and lost souls.They felt she had not tried hard enough,fast enough when you snooze you lose.
She found money through the system of her ancestors and voters gone by,and they left her to it.Some of them had never known their own worth so to be near her was threatening to their own shells they may topple out of. Scarcity never feels good to the rich.
She would at times slip from her bed now when the whole world was asleep here she watched the cobalt blue starlite nights so far away.This reminded her of the many nights gone into eternity of homey times in her childhood village when she would ride out like the wind for the woods and the hills deep in the snow on her skidoo.Then at the top of Caledonia mountain she would shut off the engine and breath in the deep, still, fresh, cold air to her nostrils,staring dreamlike up into the stars the night the silence the dark mandala of winter.
to be continued:
This homey placid cottage on Ring-Haddy Island off the coast of Ireland spread out like a pancaked spiders web.Sand, field, and rock as far as the eye could see.
She had known all about the ways of betrayal, and for years now the absence of a flowing temperament.
Hadn't it been said once that she had filled a heart with gladness and kindness.For this was all she felt she was worth.
Having,meant living to her even in her humblest moments she never in her wildest dreams or her humblest moments ever imagined or thought she would become poor.She had no strength nor mental settings for it.
day after day and for all the cycles of years she was healthily provided for.
She would never need to be a tavern brat like her mom.She was likes by many and most found her personality charming even charismatic at musical events.She adored music more than anything in life.yet there was a loud brashness in her voice and a jerky false assurance in her laughter and shared joyfulness.
The house, the pool the car all meant she was worthwhile.One could surmise that her order of things, her modesty,and love of life had a structure that focused around abundance.To be left penniless never occurred to her.
There had always been such happiness,order and loving for days weeks years and years,she had always been able to maintain a free and balanced way of life.
Now aging and with her family members sick she wondered how on earth she would make it through another day?
She wore a used nightdress,used slippers and shoes,ate packaged food,then she felt the cold coming from the floor of the room she paid way to much for out of her disability cheque. One of the deserving poor she used to write small cheques for from time to time: charity dwellers they were.Insects of the earth, leches, and parasites of humanity.
Friends of years and years had written her off now a unworthy as they thought as she had.Lazy, insecure stupid and lost souls.They felt she had not tried hard enough,fast enough when you snooze you lose.
She found money through the system of her ancestors and voters gone by,and they left her to it.Some of them had never known their own worth so to be near her was threatening to their own shells they may topple out of. Scarcity never feels good to the rich.
She would at times slip from her bed now when the whole world was asleep here she watched the cobalt blue starlite nights so far away.This reminded her of the many nights gone into eternity of homey times in her childhood village when she would ride out like the wind for the woods and the hills deep in the snow on her skidoo.Then at the top of Caledonia mountain she would shut off the engine and breath in the deep, still, fresh, cold air to her nostrils,staring dreamlike up into the stars the night the silence the dark mandala of winter.
to be continued:
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