Follow by Email

Monday, October 15, 2012

Pictures of her five grandboys hung on the walls.They loved to see her come for visits when she could get there mostly by bus.Once she hitchhiked 200 miles for the easter holiday to be with them.She knew her ways were not theirs.Her ways were gentle now.They were adults all very capable of making wise decisions, she had shown them the way they did not see.They hardened their hearts so as not to be like their elders.They were mistaken.It had nothing to do with her she knew they loved her and were trying to fit into a very fast moving paced world she was moving out of.
She felt the loneliness of night  so deep into her centre that the dark made her feel like she was the only person living on the planet.She liked this odd feeling of obscurity.It brought in a kind of coolness she could think in,not like the sunny days when all she felt was guilt because she had not been more sucessful,more able to hang unto the money,the job, the man, the house, the trappings.The hostage! Now what did she value?Why was the answer ART! always the same answer ART!!!
Sour pictures in her mind came and went of a time when her daughters took advantage of her ability to feel guilt,she being broken in ways her daughters would never suffer.They suffered, yet they were not tormented in ways their mother had been.She sometimes thought of children at Nosowitz during the war.Life had cycled in a calmer warmth to the suffering of her children, as it always does for the next generation.
looking over the kodiak of  her mind the picture was a mere blur of her past.Like a snow storm fille with star dust of memories all wrapped up in a fairies wings and ready to take her to God.
She knew somewhere in herself she could have done better but she could never bring herself to the edge of the fates well enough to fly!!

No comments:

Post a Comment